Parents want the absolute best for
their children. This is especially true of organized youth and
high school sports, where parents
love to see their children do well and win. I have discovered
that loving, well-meaning parents can
sometimes behave in a manner that can be a detriment to
the parent/child relationship. Extreme situations that I have witnessed
can cause irreparable
damage.
For more than a decade, 1 have consulted with athletes
in elementary through college,
Olympians and professionals. In sports, and other areas where children
and teenagers participate
competitively,
is important for these youths to learn personal and team success
strategies. The
following are guidelines for parents
and young athletes to consider for
maximizing the
enjoyment and benefit of organized sports. However, since all family
situations are different,
please consider these as “guidelines” and not rules.
SUPPORT YOUR CHILDREN
Give children unconditional love whether they win or lose! This will
help your child
understand that he/she is lovable and has value independent of the
outcome of competition.
Emphasize and reward fun.
Support skill development, cooperation, competition, self-discipline and
commitment; rather
than winning. Show interest in your child’s participation by attending
competitions, transporting
your child to practices and asking questions about their enjoyment and
what they are learning.
Avoid being highly emotional about the outcome of the competition.
Let your child’s sport be your child’s challenge and success, not
yours. Assist your child in
setting realistic and challenging goals in participation rather than
focusing on whether they win
or lose. These goals must be your child’s goals, not yours. Help your
child understand success
and disappointment and to learn from both. Help your children to develop
the mastery and love
of sports for a lifetime. Help your child develop positive, constructive
personal success strategies
through sports participation a transferable life skill.
Sports are a great opportunity for greater independence. Participation
in sports is an
independent step for kids. Your attitude influences how your child feels
during and after a
competition. Share your child’s joys, be empathetic with your
child’s frustrations and losses, and
encourage your child to keep learning. Allow your child to experience
and process the feelings of
winning and losing without imposing your feelings; try to not become
overly emotionally
involved. When you child loses a competition and experiences an upset
parent, this may cause
the child to feel guilty. While watching your child compete, always look
upbeat. As part of your
child’s maturation process, allow your child to struggle a little to
solve his/her own problems.
Use positive communications with your child. Use of threats, sarcasm,
fear, or other negative
approaches erodes your child’s self-esteem and provokes a desire to
rebel against you. Be honest
with your praise.
When your child feels successful, share the joy, when your child is
disappointed, be
supportive. Always compare your child’s development to himself or
herself, not to other
children. Please do not do or say anything that will cause your child to
think less of him/herself,
or of you.